So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's never too late to be topless.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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