her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
that's an acceptable place to lick
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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