like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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