taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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