Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
