I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
