Cold hands, warm shart.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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