I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
