bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
