So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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