so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
