We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
