there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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