Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
