Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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