New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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