I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize