Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
