If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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