we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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