worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
