If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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