You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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