i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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