OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
