It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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