so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
