That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
