I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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