He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Holy shit dude........stairs
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
