honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
