maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
