help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
