dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Green mimosas i think yes
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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