Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
