She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
