Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
