you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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