Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
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