no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize