A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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