What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
