How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
