Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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