im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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