No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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