nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
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