Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My liver just broke up with me...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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