is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
