wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
