If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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