Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
