The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Your penis caused this!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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