yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
