"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
