I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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