that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
