dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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