I'm laying in your front yard are you home
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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