So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
