i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
meet me or not, i'm out of control
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
