I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
