She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
