when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
