So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
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