They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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