is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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