No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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