Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
